Bad behavior is not just limited to the road but is very common in the corporate world. I adopted a corporate job late in life. Because I was tired of being broke. The thought of being someplace at 8 in the morning was just wrong. Not to mention having a boss telling me what to do, when to do it, and how. It has been a wild ride for the past ten years but not without it’s moments. At my last job, I worked with a man who was a classic hypochondriac. I learned quickly never, ever to ask ‘How are you?’ The response required fifteen minutes of head nodding, insincere awing and practicing my sympathy look. I honestly don’t remember his name but Harold comes to mind. About 8 of us were in a meeting to review something that seemed important at the time but has probably been shelved by now. Harold was the key player and we needed his input. So, there we are discussing said important thing, all of us talking about our concerns, etc. I looked to Harold for his answer. Seeing my best disbelieving look, everyone else turned to the end of the table. Harold was sacked out. As he began not so gracefully catching the zz’s, one person snickered. Big mistake. In under ten seconds, we were howling.
“Harold?”
“Ah, Harold?”
No response.
We left Harold in the conference room. Who ever booked the room after us can deal with him. I went directly to my office, locked the door and rolled out my yoga mat. Harold was definitely on to something I thought as I headed for a nap.
Several years later, Harold was sacked. Not a bad thing (except if you were Harold) but he was out on disability leave when FedEx delivered the news. Not only was the supervisor (who happened to be a VP) bad, she was stupid as well. Canning an employee while out ill is a big no-no in California. Not only did he sue and win over a quarter million dollars, but he was reinstated with all back pay. He retired with a full package shortly there after. That buys loads of naptime. Oh and the VP is still with the company. Go figure.
Unfortunately, my friend Cindy worked in a cubby. What a hideous invention. No privacy. Cindy loved her afternoon naps and came up with an ingenious solution. She made a ‘wall’ of cardboard boxes and taped them underneath the cubby counter. If you walked by, they looked like very efficient archiving. Cindy crawled under her computer in the corner and wedged herself in the space made by the fake front. The only drawback, she once complained, was that the crappy cubby wall was next to a busy corridor. It took lots of practice to ignore the small shockwaves as people walked by. Her fort also had a yoga mat and pillow. I guess she knew Harold too.
Napping on company time gently nudges the bad behavior model. Depends on your point of view I suppose. Definitely not an HR Moment but rather embarrassing to get caught horizontal in the office. Especially with a yoga mat or a co-worker for that matter. One of the best vicious gossip to travel the office was about a temp worker, her supervisor, a blow-job and a stairwell. But that’s another story.
Bringing socks to a meeting falls into that grey area. Playing sock puppet games doesn’t. I was in a meeting recently with five other employees. Two of those folks are from a different culture, far, far, away but still on this planet. Two of the others were definitely off-planet, living in another reality. The Off-planet duo teamed up for a dramatization, The Sock Drama. Let’s just call them Sara and Jenni (two n’s, one i). Jenni pull out a pair of white, gym socks and tossed one to Sara. “They’re clean.” she laughed.
‘What the fuck?’ I thought. ‘Now this is going to be interesting.’ I sat back in my chair and waited. Jenni put a sock on her hand and Sara did the same. Lambchops they’re not. As if they had rehearsed this, they introduced their sock-selves as co-workers who worked offsite.
“I’m Dr. Noguchi.” said Jenni Sock
“And I’m Ms. Sachimoto.” Introduced Sara Sock
“I have a great idea. Let’s reassign staff to our office from the big house.” (big house would be us at the table).
“Oh, what a novel concept. I like it!”
“That way, they will miss the deadline and have to answer to us!”
“And we can let them know what idiots they are!”
Blah, blah, blah. They went on like this for about 5 minutes.
Now that’s an HR Moment.
Jenni is my supervisor. How sick is that. Where’s my paint gun?
